I'm really into asian looking animals
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
