Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
