We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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