My underwear smells like fireworks.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
