i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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