I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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