My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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