its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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