So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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