so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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