i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
did you just send me my own nude
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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