Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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