i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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