I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
