when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
