I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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