Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
