If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
