if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
