it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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