Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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