you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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