i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
operation harelip BJ is a go
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
