I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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