so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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