You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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