Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
