did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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