Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love having hate sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
