she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
