She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
