Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
