what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
