I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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