I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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