I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
