At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
