i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
