It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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