u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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