everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
