I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
