you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
