I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
