In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
