The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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