Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
