At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
