Where are you?
In a non slutty way
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
