shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
worst night to have a conscience
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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