Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
